why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
