I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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