so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
