make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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