You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
