So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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