This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
