i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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