hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
