I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
