when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
