The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
