I faked an abortion last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
