My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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