she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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