It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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