wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
