I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
