dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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