In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
