we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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