apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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