Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am available for nakedness
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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