My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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