He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
