He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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