So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
