Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
