it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
