this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
