omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
