can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
