i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
