Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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