I skipped work to stalk him.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
