I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
