Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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