The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
