can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
