9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
They took my balls.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
