Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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