im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
