it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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