I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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