i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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