I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize