I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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