Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
