Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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