the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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