I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
