theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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