sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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