My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
