Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
