He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
