Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize