I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
