Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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