Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
