just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
