The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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