what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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