On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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