i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
