so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
